As news breaks of yet another deadly conflict, baffling court ruling, and polarising election result, I feel increasingly powerless and, because my job requires political impartiality, voiceless. When the world feels like it’s shifting beneath our feet like quicksand, how are we to respond?
Seeing the UK AIDS Memorial Quilt at Tate Modern last weekend reminded me that being with is one of the most radically loving acts we can offer. Begun in 1989 by friends, lovers and family mourning loved ones, the 42 massive panels commemorate 384 individuals who died of AIDS, many younger than I am now. Every time the quilt is displayed, their names are read aloud, reminding us that they were not a statistic, but each a person who lived, loved and was loved. Each panel, whether expertly crafted by fashion designers or compiled by those who had never worked with textiles before, is unique: some portray raw grief and anger; others are tender, joyful, or recall a loved one’s heritage, humour and hopes.
In the accompanying documentary, many of the quilt’s creators spoke movingly of journeying with their loved ones until their deaths, against a backdrop of widespread ostracisation of people with HIV and AIDS due to ignorance and fear. One panel was made, then covered up with a note declaring, ‘the Parents do not want this panel shown anywhere. The Stigma still exists – until this changes this panel will remain covered.’ In those painful, frightening days, the creators chose compassion – literally ‘suffering with’ – refusing to turn away but staying with their loved ones and holding them in dignity. And after their deaths, the creation of the quilt itself became a continuation and broadening of that being with, as people often unable to mourn openly came together to witness, lament and weave their grief, anger and love into a tapestry of remembrance. As one panel reads: ‘Each thread a kiss, each stitch a tear, a tribute to a son so dear.’
Don’t get me wrong – working for, working with and being for are also important. But there are times when no world-class advice or care, no adroit advocacy or diplomacy can make things better. As many of us learnt during the Covid-19 pandemic, there is no substitute for being with. Sometimes, it’s the only thing. And everything.
In these uncertain times, I wonder how and who Christ is calling us to be with?
Ivan Yuen
